That feeling in the darkness?
That whisper that says ‘you won’t do this’
That weight inside my lungs, that 3am restless wondering, that ‘what if ‘, that ‘what now’, that what am I doing here?’
It’s the fear.
It’s the fear in me.
But when I surrender it all to You
It’s the fear that flees.
Not me.
Sometimes I feel like I can close my eyes and sneak into your dreams where our souls share the heart-things we keep hidden.
there is an unspoken understanding between all those who have ever loved a dog
of the heart-aching sorrow of the last goodbye, and the grief that still lingers…
Many of us start the year with a whole heap of expectations, but chuck them out half way through January when we realise that despite the “brand new year”, the frustrations, challenges and bills from the previous year did not, in fact, get incinerated in the new year’s eve fireworks.
So we find our pace on the treadmill of life for the next 300 days or so until we eventually hit the ‘stop’ button and hop off for a while. And during this hiatus, we eat too much, get sunburned, and breathe some fresh air and jot down some new resolutions before it all begins again.
What if we don’t try to start each year with a clean slate?
What if we look at every challenge and frustration, every success and failure, every joy and disappointment as simply a lesson learned.
At work, we’ve won over another difficult client.
At home, we’ve learned a little bit more about love.
At play, we’ve realised that running is not our ‘thing’, but hiking could be. And if it’s not, there’s a whole world of hobbies still to discover.
It’s a culmination of every year that’s gone before, and an opportunity to use every experience to inform whatever the next day throws at us, and the next, and the next, and the next.
Life is not meant to be a dreary treadmill.
It’s a wonderful, terrifying, heart-breaking, joyful, magical adventure through unchartered wilderness.
The only path is the one we’ve already forged, and all the battles we’ve already won.
Sometimes we’ll get stuck in the mud, sometimes we’ll feel like we’re flying. Sometimes we’ll travel alone, and sometimes we’ll meet the most lovely companions.
That’s not to say they aren’t necessary. They are.
Like a waterfall on a hike, they are refreshing, energising, and they give us time to think and plan and process the journey so far. And then we put our boots back on.
So, none of this new year, new ‘me’ nonsense.
It’s still me. Just a little older, hopefully a little wiser, a few more scars and wrinkles. But with a backpack full of experiences, tools and dreams that will help me make my way through the ups and downs and surprises that the year has to offer.
Sometimes it’s like
the rest of the world is playing ‘war’
and I’m just sitting here
in the garden pulling weeds
waiting for the bombs to fall
It’s okay
to sometimes
feel like
everything hurts
for no reason
because feelings
aren’t rational
and you can’t
change them
like you change
your socks
and you can’t
outsmart them
like a game of chess
and you can’t
swap them like
a library book or
treat them like
a head pain
with a pill
Sometimes you just
have to feel
until the aching
stops
and the feelings
aren’t those feelings
anymore
(C) C Warneke 2022
what are you?
are you carefree, careful,
or just plain careless?
do you love with abandon
or have you abandoned love?
do you pursue passion
or are you a victim of a dispassionate world?
are your words heartfelt
or heartless?
do you strive for humility
or humiliation?
are you alive?
are you kind?
do you care?
May the pieces of you who speak to the pieces of me still whisper to my soul until our pieces, and the dust they leave behind, find their voice. And may their song become a whole.
beloved: may you find comfort in the stillness when the song in your heart is faint
when the road ahead’s relentless, and your faith’s about to break
let the peace that can’t be sung seep into every crack that aches
and may His sovereign silence roar within that space…
child: let the God of all the ages be the rock on which you wait
and with every stumbling step you do not take
I pray His wounded hands will bathe your feet in grace, and
may you find comfort in the stillness when the song in your heart is faint
“We’ll never be the same again…” they say.
We’ll be far more familiar with the face of fear
And we’ll know what it’s like
To accept the truth of inescapable change
“We will never see another ‘normal’ day…” they say.
We’ll learn to cherish every hour,
Be content in simple things,
And hoard every memory of what remains
“Everything will not be ‘okay’…” they say.
We’ll know what it’s like to lose so much
We’ll have had our fill of bitter tears
And everything will NOT be ‘okay’…
But it will “be”
And it will continue to be
It will be different
It will be difficult
It will be strange
It will be unlike anything we’ve ever faced
But the world will still turn
The sun will still rise
And what matters most will remain.
And together, Love, we can face another day
Be30Something 